Wouldn’t you like to Live Bold?
What is confidence? What would it mean for you to have it, and how would you know when you did?
I know exactly what it’s like to live a life devoid of confidence. Trust me, I used to be a total mess! It contributed to so many missed opportunities with career, relationships, life in general. I wasted so much time being stuck in my own head.
But not any more. I went on a mission to figure it out. It took me what felt like an age, but in the end I realised I already possessed all the qualities and resources I needed in order to live confidently. I just needed to set them free.
This realisation was the first step.
Many yearn to be confident, but have never really thought about a future in which for them, it’s a reality. Picturing this new you provides a point of reference, and a means to evidence success. Believe me it’s a powerful place to start!
We fear what we don’t understand, and get overwhelmed when we have no answer to circumstances or feelings that seem out of control. We retreat inside ourselves when we have no strategy to deal with stress and anxiety brought on by conflict, both internal and external.
What we feel about ourselves is only an emotional representation of how we see our place within ‘our world’. Everything we experience in life, sight, sound, touch, taste, etc, is simply information to which we attach meaning and thereby emotion.
Our minds are lazy, and instead of taking every situation on it’s own merit, we subconsciously look for similarities with past experiences. This influences how we react in the present, and when it’s linked to a lack of confidence, can keep us stuck in unhelpful cycles of behaviour. What’s more, we fall into the trap of constantly risk-assessing our words and actions, and project our past experiences onto the future as ‘likely’ consequences.
You have to understand that our minds don’t do this out of spite, it’s our subconscious’ way of protecting us from perceived danger. Deep stuff I know, but it’s a true and fundamental part of understanding that you do indeed have the power to effect real change. By bringing unconscious thoughts into focus, you can reclaim control.
It’s my great pleasure to now be able to share what I learned. To give you a short-cut to confidence and to spare you the despair and frustration of trying to figure it out alone.
That’s what this program is about! It’s a crash course in everything you need to know in order to build your confidence to an incredible level. I cover so many aspects, it’s often a struggle to fit everything in.
I won’t claim anything unique here, I haven’t reinvented the wheel and there are no wild claims. All I’ve done is take a lifetime’s experience and learning, and put together the program I wish I could have taken years ago.
These are the topics I always plan to cover, but it really does depend upon what each participant needs, and we really could end up anywhere……………..
What Confidence Isn’t
Many people have an image of what confidence means to them. Sometimes it’s simply a reflection of what society ‘says’ is confident behaviour. But when you take a closer look it turns out to be arrogance, bullying, or simply bad behaviour.
I’ll explain how ‘Alpha’ personalities are actually extremely rare, and that most of the so called Alphas we encounter on a daily basis are so engaged in a desperate search for acceptance that rather than leading the group dynamic, they are slaves to it.
The Power Of The Individual
There is nothing more powerful than a strong personal identity. It’s human nature to want to belong, and we often define ourselves by the groups we join, and the associations we make. I believe we do ourselves a disservice by placing restrictions on our social boundaries. We can still be ethical, and true to our beliefs, whilst traversing numerous social groups. It’s all about pack dynamics and not following the herd.
How The Subconscious Mind Works
Our subconscious minds have so much to answer for, and can innocently cause us so much strife. But once you understand that your mind only ever does things to keep you safe and avoid perceived danger, then you have the key to unlocking a whole new way of thinking.
Fear Of Consequences
What’s the worst that can happen? Usually a lot less than you think, so stop worrying about it.
What Others Think
Are you a mind reader? Thought not! So stop trying to figure out what others are thinking, and what does it matter anyway?
Choose Who You Listen To
Feedback is a natural part of life. It’s the information we receive from others based upon our interaction with them. It’s the power you give to that information that matters, so an awareness of agendas is important.
Why It’s Wrong To Seek External Validation
It’s your life, it’s your mind, your personal code of ethics; so do what feels right for you, and don’t compromise just to please someone else. When your motive for doing something is purely for validation, you’re missing the point.
We Don’t Do Labels Here
Shy, Introvert, Loner. They are all labels that are used in a negative fashion to describe people that are largely misunderstood by others too lazy to look deeper. There is nothing negative about being an introvert for example. Being at ease in one’s own company doesn’t preclude anyone from also enjoying the company of others. I’d suggest being comfortable doing both is a huge advantage.
What Would Happen if You Got What You Wanted
This is a big question. Have you ever thought about it? Because you already have the answer, and we’ll find it!
In The Zone
It doesn’t matter how little confidence you feel you have, because everyone has a least one thing they excel at. You know that thing that when you do it, you are completely at one with the task, ‘in the zone’, practically running on auto-pilot. This is a kind of trance phenomena, and I’ll show you how to tap into, and apply it elsewhere within your life.
Fake It Till You Make It
Or practice makes perfect. It’s otherwise known as Systematic Desensitisation and forms the backbone of many therapeutic interventions. There’s nothing mysterious about it, yet it is a powerful method to deploy when you understand how it works.
How Would You Evidence Confidence
Confidence can come quickly, and sometimes it develops over time. But unless you consider how you’d measure it ahead of time, you risk being stuck in old ways of thinking as it passes you by.
Sometimes doing what feels right in any given situation is down to intuition, and shouldn’t be based purely on presupposed ideas. It’s about understanding the dynamic of communication and subtext.
Maximum Natural Potential
Here we look at your capabilities, resources, and potential, and I’m willing to bet you’re selling yourself sort.
I’ll give you an insight into how confident communicators do what they do. Tricks of the trade, that when you do them, you can’t help but feel more confident.
Learning To Listen
Let’s face it, how many times are you so caught up deciding what you should say, want to say, waiting for your moment, that you’re not even paying attention to what the other person is saying? Effective listening is a wonderful skill, and so easy to perfect. It provides you with so much insight into others, and a means to really get to know someone. It also gives you a basis from which to be supportive to others.
The Art Of Easy Conversation
Show an interest in others, and make it genuine. People love talking about themselves and what they’re passionate about. Some simple questions and a little encouragement, and you can keep people talking for hours with next to no effort. What’s more, they do all the work, and give you the credit for being a wonderful conversationalist and listener (see above).
Dealing With Conflict and Confrontation
This is one of those aspects that’s worthy of a program of it’s own. It’s incredibly complex and diverse and could include anything ranging from bullying, road rage, domestic abuse. However, at it’s core is the way in which you react on a personal level, which often tends to be automatic and out of your direct control. But you can control it once you know what’s going on.
This is your ‘fight or flight’ response. But did you know there is also an extra element where we literally ‘freeze’. Think of a rabbit caught in the headlights. This is when we react in the same way we always do, or as the mind rationalises, ‘if it hasn’t killed me yet, keep on doing it’. How we respond to something we find threatening is largely automatic and habitual, and governed by our response to an increase in adrenaline. Once you understand how adrenaline works, you know longer fear it’s effects, and can actually use it to your advantage.
Confident people move confidently. I’m going to give you some very simple body language tips to enable you to move more confidently yourself. This is fantastic stuff, because when you do something on a physiological level, it can have a dramatic effect on a psychological level. You can literally ‘move yourself confident’.
Here I’m going to help you to identify your own behaviour patterns in response to stressful situations. Once you become able to identify your own behavioural patterns, you can begin to spot them in others which gives you real insight into who they are at their core.
It’s easy at times to feel as though the world is against you. When you view the world through such a negative filter, all you can see is evidence to support that belief. This can lead to a victim mentality that leaves you feeling incapable of dealing with life’s challenges. Recognising your triumphs in the face of adversity allows you to realise your inner strength. It’s there for sure, you just have to see it.
This is a term I think perfectly encapsulates the qualities of a person who isn’t afraid to tackle life head-on. A person with this outlook doesn’t dwell on what might happen, or fear the unknown. Instead they simply know that whatever life throws at them, they’re going to deal with it and carry on regardless. They see opportunity in every disaster, and never let suffering or pain define them.
The Forward Mindset
Staying focused on the past, or what you’re trying to leave behind, only serves to keep you anchored there. Changing your focus to concentrate on your future, creates a forward mindset that anchors you to your goals and a brighter tomorrow.
Throughout life we learn by example. Why not pick a role model or two, and copy certain aspects of their behaviour? This doesn’t mean you compromise your identity. It just means you adapt certain behavioural traits that others do really well, and make them your own. It’s a great NLP technique that really works.
This is a wonderful technique that allows you to take control when life starts to become overwhelming. It gives you a chance to take stock, and react in a way you’re comfortable with.
Did you know we breathe differently as adults than we did as babies. Learning to pay attention to your breathing can be a welcome distraction in times of stress, and help to bring balance when you most need it. Fully utilising your lungs is also a great way to stay in tune with your own body, and remain connected to yourself.
Taking a Breath
In times of crisis, one of the first things to be affected is one’s breathing. Some people hold their breath, others hyperventilate. In times of stress or anxiety, simply taking a couple of deep breaths can be enough to give you a moment to clear your head, break unhelpful automatic response patterns, and allow you to react the way you want. Understanding why this works makes it even more impactful.
This is another amazing technique whereby I help you establish a self-activated trigger that allows you to tap into a well of confidence whenever you need it. The more you use your anchor, the stronger it gets.
No Such Thing As Failure
If you can accept that there is no such thing as failure, only feedback, then you are able to see everything as an opportunity. If something doesn’t happen the way you wanted, then you’ve learnt something useful. Every setback is knowledge, and ensures you are one step closer to success. Without these experiences, you would never know why you got something right, and wouldn’t be able to duplicate the process. It’s an attitude thing. Pushing your comfort is all about trial and error, get used to it, look forward to it, and experience really quick progress.
The Evidence Of Success
This is all about recognising the differences in your life when you become more confident. It’s about acknowledging your successes and achievements, and giving yourself credit. Once you accept that you can indeed be successful, your mind comes to expect and anticipate further successes.
Every top athlete uses visualisation to mentally rehearse their next big event. Businessmen and Politicians visualise how they’ll present to the board, or how they’ll deliver their speeches. Did you know that our brains can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined. Of course our minds can, but our brains respond in the same way and begin making neural connections related to what we think about. In other words we can imagine being confident, and our brain accepts that it’s so. You can use this technique in so many ways, I can’t wait to sow you how.
This is the part of the program where we put all the pieces together and create a fantastic way of interrupting your unhelpful automatic stress responses, and giving you a way to dictate how you respond under pressure. It puts the control back into your hands, giving you the freedom to decide how and when to make the changes you desire within your life.
Putting It Into Practice
This is where your life changes for the better as you begin your journey towards your new self. It’s a journey that never ends, yet continues to get better. I remember what it was like living a life without confidence, but to be honest it feels as if it was somebody else. Not in every aspect of course, you never lose your moral code or your core beliefs, although you do gain the resolve to live life on your own terms, and never compromise.